Live Again With This Pain

Okay, simple facts here.

  1. I’ve been suffering from mental illness for 18 years
  2. My husband has got depression about a year ago
  3. I’m a bit tired of taking care of him and I’m ill too
  4. We are “bad at” sex
  5. I’m missing “the Light guy” since last night

I think, well, the Light guy is like a runaway for me when things don’t sort out and got messed up. He’s just…the light in the darkness of my heart or mind or brain or whatever.
Just now, my husband has gone for a trip with his colleagues. Which means, I’ll be all alone this weekend. Do I want to see the Light guy? I, I don’t really know.
Last night I’ve talked to one of my new friends whose family problem was pretty severe.

“Delete his number, block him on SNS, stop keeping in touch with him”

She said.
I was like “What? Am I doing such a Guilty thing?” But at the same time, I knew that I was really into the Light guy…And…eh, my husband, I love him from the bottom of my heart and I’ll never meet a man who loves me like he does, I know.

Actually I messaged the Light guy saying is we could meet up over this weekend. And John Lennon sings “No reply.” Pretty shitty (love that song though).

My another friend said that “cutting” the relationship with him is nonsense, and even rude for him. Yeah, that’s true.
If I could dismiss this “feeling” for him, I think we can be pretty good friends, I really think so. But am I asking too much? Can’t married woman be friendly to other guys? BULLSHIT.


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